Is it, now! [clapping their hands together like they're totally not bitter about yet another thing they can't remember about themselves] How quaint! I guess that's where I picked it up!
[aaaaand this is already off to a terrible start, wow! They really know how to make a conversation blinding awkward! And they were doing so well before, they weren't flinching at her gaze anymore, they were really starting to believe they might be able to fit into their little family... and now, here they are, being told to draw the line again.
They know they won't be able to stomach the easy out, so they just laugh it off like it's a joke.]
Is Madame better? I can try changing it up, if you'd like.
[ She'd thought they were adjusting well, getting more comfortable, but it's hardly the first time she's been wrong. If they won't call her by her name, then she doubts they'd be comfortable being called by their own. She won't ask, then. ]
No, back to the drawing board I think. I'm sure you can come up with something better than 'Old Lady'.
[ She takes a seat next to them and eyes their origami work. It's impressive how small they managed to get. ]
[Kidding!!! She'd kill them if they tried to use that seriously.
That said, coming up with a new nickname won't be easy. She's been the Researcher for so long it's hard to think of her as anything else. It suits her, just as it suited Odile.
[ That gets a small smile, because it's so very Loop. And whatever he might think, she liked Loop plenty before starting to suspect they used to be Siffrin.
She looks over at them, considering the question and why they're asking. ]
I don't mind it. It's just a bit... impersonal.
[ She's always thought that was the point, so she was kind of hoping there was no need for it anymore. ]
[imagine having likeable traits that other people attribute to you, can't be them, their whole personality is fake
Impersonal, like a placeholder one might use for a teammate they don't care to remember. She's not wrong. Their posture wilts ever so subtly beneath the air of nonchalance, eyes fixed anywhere but her.]
I suppose it is. I'd make be an awful friend if I kept calling you something like that, wouldn't I?
[ They're not doing well. It's frustrating; she can pick up on other people's feelings easily enough, she just can't ever seem to say the right thing in response. She hopes they know that she's trying. ]
It would depend on the reason. And I would make a terrible friend if I assumed your reason is a bad one.
[So they should stop dancing around the topic and give her one. It's not like they lack reasons... it's not just something they do to be rude, or to keep their distance. It's more than that, to them. It's complicated.
They already explained it to the Fighter once. That means the second time will be easier, right?]
Well... imagine if you started calling me Siffrin. It'd be weird, wouldn't it? And confusing! You'd say something about Siffrin, and everyone would have to ask, "which one?" You might get us mixed up in your own thoughts! It's rude not to use someone's name, but it'd be just as rude to mix them up with another person who's similar to them, don't you agree?
[ It's true that having two people with the same name in the same house has the potential to cause issues, but it's hardly an insurmountable problem. More importantly, the comparison has nothing to do with Odile.
She frowns as a scenario comes to mind. ]
Do you have reason to believe that your wish took you not just to a different timeline, but a different world?
It's the same thing, isn't it? You're not... you're not my Odile.
[That person doesn't exist anymore. Erased, like so many thousands of timelines before her.
... even if the Researcher is exactly the same in so many ways. It's not really comparable to them and stardust, but they've clung to that excuse for so long it just makes sense to them.]
[ It's an impressive mental leap to her, actually. From what Timekeeper told her she knows that technically, it's most likely that every loop created another world ('universe', Dipper called them). But all of those worlds begin with the same people. ]
From my understanding, there was only one of each of us from the start. Your wish changed that for you, but I don't see that it would have changed for the rest of us.
[They stare back at her like they never considered she might disagree with them on this. The Fighter didn't argue. Is it because they explained it a different way...?]
Well, yeah, but... you're still different. You have your own Siffrin.
[...
Ah. That really isn't a point at all, but they keep circling back to it. Why would it matter if she has stardust when the question is about herself?
They know what the real reason is. They just don't want to admit to it.]
... A-and! There were other differences! The House was completely different, and it even rained on the second day! It never rained in your timeline, nothing but sunny days and clear nights! And there must've been tons of other changes if big things like that were different, it just never came up for me!
Hah! How is that even fair? If something was different, it's not like I'd remember. [and what few snippets they do recall, information deemed essential to their supporting role, who's to say those are their own memories at all? If it's something remembered for stardust's sake, the Universe may have simply implanted the memory in them.
Maybe all their memories are fake, and they were always just a construct tricked into thinking they were human. What a wonder train of thought to be having right now.]
Fine, then. I guess I'm not allowed to mourn, since it might hurt your feelings! I should just get over it, right?? Who cares about that Odile, the new one is soooo much better~
[Stars, they're a mess. They might be glancing around the room for escape routes, they're one bad reaction away from trying to run. Surely the roof is still brand-free...]
What? Loop, my feelings aren't hurt. You don't have to 'get over' anything, least of all for my sake. I certainly don't want you to make yourself unhappy to spare me a little discomfort.
Then I'm just a bad friend, aren't I? Acting like you're not even real, because my real friends would...
[They catch themselves this time, voice cut short before they say something else they shouldn't. They must be exhausting to deal with, like this. She's going to lose her patience if they keep this up.
They take a pointless breath, composing themselves into something... slightly more hinged, perhaps. A semblance of calm, if not the real thing. Be normal.]
Sorry, just forget it. As if things aren't bad enough already... you don't want to deal with my tantrums on top of it all.
[ She should let it go. She only seems to make things worse, no matter how she tries, but maybe this one last attempt will get through to them. ]
You have never treated me as if I weren't real. You're a good friend, Loop. You were a good friend long before I started to suspect you were also an old friend.
[It's a guilt they've been carrying for as long as they can remember. They forgot them. All of them. And only in that last desperate battle, when they came so, so close to the end...
What kind of friend would just forget? What kind of person could be so callous? Who could forgive someone like that?
Who would hear all of that, and just... act like it's normal, somehow. A reasonable misstep.
... if they had asked back then, would she have simply answered?]
... it was an extremely stressful situation to be in. It wouldn't be surprising for me to forget things... right?
[ Siffrin was in the loops long enough to learn healing Craft from observation alone. From the state they were in when she saw them in that memory, Loop was there at least that long, with no support and no answers at all. Just trying to imagine what they were going through, alone, makes her heart ache. ]
Stress can have a profound effect on the mind, even when there aren't lives at stake. That doesn't even begin to describe what you went through. I doubt anything you've experienced is very surprising in that sense.
If that's all you wanted, you wouldn't have to ask.
[Their own smile is forced, as always. They've long passed the point of being able to tell, but maybe some part of the act is real. That would be nice.]
... I did mean to tell you sooner. It just never seemed like a good time, I guess.
Back when those copies were running around... it just kind of came out? So the Fighter knew, but then we found out you were dead the whole time... I didn't really know how to bring it up after that.
[... and the copy barely reacted back then, which made the whole thing feel even worse, so maybe they were a tiny bit scared the real one wouldn't care either... but they're not gonna say that part out loud. That's way too honest.]
[ That's strange to think about. She doesn't know much about what her copy got up to, but she knows that it failed to protect Siffrin and hurt Stanley. Would it have reacted the same as her to Loop's secret? Did it have the same suspicions she did? ]
I'm glad to know you had some intention of telling me. I was starting to think that I would have to be the one to tell you.
Hah... I don't know. I wouldn't have bet on it, honestly. [They're much better at avoiding difficult topics than they are at talking to their friends.]
I always knew you'd figure it out eventually. If stardust could do it, there's no way you would fail to notice. I probably slipped up a long time ago, didn't I?
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[aaaaand this is already off to a terrible start, wow! They really know how to make a conversation blinding awkward! And they were doing so well before, they weren't flinching at her gaze anymore, they were really starting to believe they might be able to fit into their little family... and now, here they are, being told to draw the line again.
They know they won't be able to stomach the easy out, so they just laugh it off like it's a joke.]
Is Madame better? I can try changing it up, if you'd like.
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[ She'd thought they were adjusting well, getting more comfortable, but it's hardly the first time she's been wrong. If they won't call her by her name, then she doubts they'd be comfortable being called by their own. She won't ask, then. ]
No, back to the drawing board I think. I'm sure you can come up with something better than 'Old Lady'.
[ She takes a seat next to them and eyes their origami work. It's impressive how small they managed to get. ]
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[Kidding!!! She'd kill them if they tried to use that seriously.
That said, coming up with a new nickname won't be easy. She's been the Researcher for so long it's hard to think of her as anything else. It suits her, just as it suited Odile.
They hum, staring off into empty space.]
... you don't like Researcher?
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[ That gets a small smile, because it's so very Loop. And whatever he might think, she liked Loop plenty before starting to suspect they used to be Siffrin.
She looks over at them, considering the question and why they're asking. ]
I don't mind it. It's just a bit... impersonal.
[ She's always thought that was the point, so she was kind of hoping there was no need for it anymore. ]
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Impersonal, like a placeholder one might use for a teammate they don't care to remember. She's not wrong. Their posture wilts ever so subtly beneath the air of nonchalance, eyes fixed anywhere but her.]
I suppose it is. I'd make be an awful friend if I kept calling you something like that, wouldn't I?
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It would depend on the reason. And I would make a terrible friend if I assumed your reason is a bad one.
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[So they should stop dancing around the topic and give her one. It's not like they lack reasons... it's not just something they do to be rude, or to keep their distance. It's more than that, to them. It's complicated.
They already explained it to the Fighter once. That means the second time will be easier, right?]
Well... imagine if you started calling me Siffrin. It'd be weird, wouldn't it? And confusing! You'd say something about Siffrin, and everyone would have to ask, "which one?" You might get us mixed up in your own thoughts! It's rude not to use someone's name, but it'd be just as rude to mix them up with another person who's similar to them, don't you agree?
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She frowns as a scenario comes to mind. ]
Do you have reason to believe that your wish took you not just to a different timeline, but a different world?
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[That person doesn't exist anymore. Erased, like so many thousands of timelines before her.
... even if the Researcher is exactly the same in so many ways. It's not really comparable to them and stardust, but they've clung to that excuse for so long it just makes sense to them.]
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[ It's an impressive mental leap to her, actually. From what Timekeeper told her she knows that technically, it's most likely that every loop created another world ('universe', Dipper called them). But all of those worlds begin with the same people. ]
From my understanding, there was only one of each of us from the start. Your wish changed that for you, but I don't see that it would have changed for the rest of us.
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Well, yeah, but... you're still different. You have your own Siffrin.
[...
Ah. That really isn't a point at all, but they keep circling back to it. Why would it matter if she has stardust when the question is about herself?
They know what the real reason is. They just don't want to admit to it.]
... A-and! There were other differences! The House was completely different, and it even rained on the second day! It never rained in your timeline, nothing but sunny days and clear nights! And there must've been tons of other changes if big things like that were different, it just never came up for me!
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Interesting... Alterations in weather are unexpected, but not impossible. The sky around the House was always dark, after all.
However, none of that suggests to me that anything prior to the loops is different.
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Maybe all their memories are fake, and they were always just a construct tricked into thinking they were human. What a wonder train of thought to be having right now.]
Fine, then. I guess I'm not allowed to mourn, since it might hurt your feelings! I should just get over it, right?? Who cares about that Odile, the new one is soooo much better~
[Stars, they're a mess. They might be glancing around the room for escape routes, they're one bad reaction away from trying to run. Surely the roof is still brand-free...]
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What? Loop, my feelings aren't hurt. You don't have to 'get over' anything, least of all for my sake. I certainly don't want you to make yourself unhappy to spare me a little discomfort.
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[They catch themselves this time, voice cut short before they say something else they shouldn't. They must be exhausting to deal with, like this. She's going to lose her patience if they keep this up.
They take a pointless breath, composing themselves into something... slightly more hinged, perhaps. A semblance of calm, if not the real thing. Be normal.]
Sorry, just forget it. As if things aren't bad enough already... you don't want to deal with my tantrums on top of it all.
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You have never treated me as if I weren't real. You're a good friend, Loop. You were a good friend long before I started to suspect you were also an old friend.
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...]
I forgot your name.
Researcher, Housemaiden, Fighter, Kid... actors reading lines. It was easier.
I just... forgot.
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Distancing yourself from the situation. I can see how that might help.
[ She wants to ask how long they were looping, but it seems like the less she says the better, so. ]
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What kind of friend would just forget? What kind of person could be so callous? Who could forgive someone like that?
Who would hear all of that, and just... act like it's normal, somehow. A reasonable misstep.
... if they had asked back then, would she have simply answered?]
... it was an extremely stressful situation to be in. It wouldn't be surprising for me to forget things... right?
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Stress can have a profound effect on the mind, even when there aren't lives at stake. That doesn't even begin to describe what you went through. I doubt anything you've experienced is very surprising in that sense.
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[But they've shared enough for one day, maybe. It's already more than they'd ever planned to.
The fact that she's still speaking to them after this is... enough.]
I'll... try to be less difficult. Since you asked so nicely.
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Here I thought I was asking you to be more difficult.
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[Their own smile is forced, as always. They've long passed the point of being able to tell, but maybe some part of the act is real. That would be nice.]
... I did mean to tell you sooner. It just never seemed like a good time, I guess.
Back when those copies were running around... it just kind of came out? So the Fighter knew, but then we found out you were dead the whole time... I didn't really know how to bring it up after that.
[... and the copy barely reacted back then, which made the whole thing feel even worse, so maybe they were a tiny bit scared the real one wouldn't care either... but they're not gonna say that part out loud. That's way too honest.]
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[ That's strange to think about. She doesn't know much about what her copy got up to, but she knows that it failed to protect Siffrin and hurt Stanley. Would it have reacted the same as her to Loop's secret? Did it have the same suspicions she did? ]
I'm glad to know you had some intention of telling me. I was starting to think that I would have to be the one to tell you.
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I always knew you'd figure it out eventually. If stardust could do it, there's no way you would fail to notice. I probably slipped up a long time ago, didn't I?